We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
BRING THE BAGELS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize