Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
