Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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