Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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