I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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