apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
