I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
