all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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