She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
