I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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