That's intense
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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