Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
