hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
