it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
