clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Vodka?
Forever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
