You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
