wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
