tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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