I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize