He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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