I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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