Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
