i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
