batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize