it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
