I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
