the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize