I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
