Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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