I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My pussy is not your playground.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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