My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
