I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
