just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
