seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
