i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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