Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize