I think im going to throw up on grandma
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
