I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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