everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
