i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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