It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
