Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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