Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
