So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
where does the pee come out of this thing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
