my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
