he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
