First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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