I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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