you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
