I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
