please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
