Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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