On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
