Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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