i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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