what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
