I'm going to jail i love you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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