remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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