I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
