i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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