i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
