i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Randomize