It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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