@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
