I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
