i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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