I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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