drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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