There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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