I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cockslap morals
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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