Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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