i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
